GUJARATI

G - gentle or gandu

U - understanding or unbalanced

J - jolly or jutho

A - adorable or a!s^ole

R - royal or randwo

A - aggresive or arrogant

T - tough or tatu

I - intelligent or idiot

This much quality - only 1 nation has, Yes, its GUJARATI...
Gujju Premi: Darling mera kaan ma koi halki, koi naram, koi namkin thhi, Koi mithi vaat kaho!
Premika: DHOKLA

Gujarati Pronunciation Dictionary:

Sano...........Snow
Egg-joss.......Exhaust
Fota...........Photos
Lipti..........Lipstick
Phast..........Fast
Phlowur........Flower
Gilas..........Glass
Palty..........Party
Gorment........Government
Peeja..........Pizza
Punch..........Sponge
Die Vos........Divorce
New Brand......Brand New
Istill.........Steel
Bowel..........Bowl
Jee TV.........Zee TV
Juniversity....University
Istawbury......Strawberry
Isscooter......Scooter
dismiss........Screwdriver
Kale...........Tomorrow and Yesterday
Vija...........Visa

Indian slang

Many of these terms occur in the Cape Town and Durban areas, and few in Indian areas in Gauteng.A Cover - an insurance policy, as in:

An' all - like the English 'et cetera, et cetera'.

Boarded-off - declared medically unfit to work, and in receipt of a disability pension, As in: 'My daddy was so lucky to have been BOARDED OFF by the corporation'

Bring and Come - an expression normally denoting some type of unspecified invitation to come and perform a particular task at a given location, I.e. 'I told dat TV repair balie to Bring and Come and fix DA TV'

Bung - to be afraid of someone.

Bunny Chow - type of food, made with a loaf of bread filled with a curry stew.

Cake - idiot (MINESH)

Cameway - arrived. Used in Durban.

Charra - a person of Indian origin. From the word "curry" (or tea).

Choon - to tell someone something.

Clips - Money, used in Gauteng / Lenasia

Coat - meaning "quote", mis-pronounced, with a completely inaudible KW sound. As in Hey, can you give me a coat to fix my car?

Crown - money

Guzzie - friend (from the Zulu guz'lam)

Hit a Luck - expression, to have met with good fortune. As in, 'hey my bru HIT A LUCK, eee got graft at the Casino. Also often noted in the form HIT SUCH A LUCK

Jaaver - An Afrikaner person.

Kerel - police man

Laanie - From the Afrikaans word meaning "fancy", but used by Indian people to mean "smart guy" ("Smart" as in "well-to-do") or, more frequently, "boss". Compare larnie.

Late - A euphemism for dead/deceased; as in 'My daddy is 2 years late'. (Unconnected with the idea of tardiness.)

Maader - excellent, very good (used especially by Durban Indians)

Min-rill - from the English word "mineral", meaning mineral water; taken to mean any fizzy drink in a bottle, normally Coke, Fanta, etc

Mooing - to flirt. From the Afrikaans word mooi meaning "nice"/"pretty".

Onetime - Meaning "of course", "without delay"; often used as a positive reply to a question.

Ou - A person, homo sapiens

Charr Ou - An Indian person Bruin Ou - A Coloured person

Correct Ou - A good guy

Gorra Ou - A White person (insulting usage)

Pekkie Ou - A Black African person (derogatory; from the Zulu word for "cook") Porridge Ou - A Tamil person

Raven Ou - A Black African or, sometimes, Tamil person. From the Hindu deity Raven[citation needed], reputedly dark-skinned. (Insulting usage.)

Roti Ou / Bread Ou Hindi person

Slum Ou - A Muslim person

Wit Ou - A White person

Pano - money, from the Tamil word for "money". Commonly used by all South African Indian linguistic groups as a euphemism for money

Patla, flouie - usually used to describe poor (unfunny) jokes. Patla can also refer to any kind of damp squib.

Patla Patla - often refers obliquely to having sex; imitating the sound of two bodies meeting. Pehrer - A fight. (Often heard as "Who's gunning a pehrer?" meaning "Who's looking for a fight?")

Poke - stab

Pozzy - House or home; place where one you lives or hangs out.

Right - An affirmation, mostly used while giving traffic directions, as in "Go straight, Right. Turn Left, Right."

Slaan -wear (as in clothes)

Slaat - action like hit. For example: Don't choon me what what an' all, I slaat you one time laanie.

Stekie - girl/girlfriend

Swaai - to dance. (For example: "Lets vaai (go) swaai.")

Swak - bad

Toppie - an older male authority-figure. Often used by Indians but also by working-class whites. From an Indian word for "hat".

Tannie - female version of toppie, from the Afrikaans word for "Aunty".

Vrou - my wife, as in 'Ek sê, I must first ask my Vrou'; from the Afrikaans word for 'wife"/"woman".

Tum-Blahh - from the English word "tumbler", meaning a heavy glass. As in: 'hey boy, run and get a Tum-blah for the larnie to have some Min-rill'

What Kind - Greeting, similar to Howzit

What What - mostly used in arguments, meaning "this and that". Often heard as what you say what what

Chatsworth Star Wars

Ripper ou's

Darth Vader: "There is no escape. Don't make me destroy you. Luke, you
do not yet realize your importance. You've only begun to discover your
power. Join me and I will complete your training. With our combined
strength we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the
galaxy."

Luke Skywalker: "I'll never join you!"

Darth Vader: "If you only knew the power of the Dark Side. Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father."

Luke Skywalker: "He told me enough! He told me you killed him!"

Darth Vader: "No. I am your father."

Luke Skywalker: "No. That's not true! That's impossible!"

Darth Vader: "Search your feelings. You know it to be true."

Luke Skywalker: "Noooooooo!"

Darth Vader: "Luke, you can destroy the Emperor. He has foreseen this.It is your destiny. Join me, and together we shall rule the galaxy as father and son. Come with me. It is the only way."

And now we replace Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker by Dark Veda (or Burnt Veda) and Logendren Skywalkersamy.
Now the dialogue goes like this:

Dark Veda: "The is no escape ekse....I got my gonie for you now.....Logendren...eh...you dunno how powerful you are...you gettrance..and can bless all the peoples...come with me to isipingo templeand I cut one black fowl for you and together we run unit nine."

Logendren Skywalkersamy: "hull....I never spin with you"

Dark Veda: "If you only knew the power of the black fowlprayers....Didn't the temple aunty choon you about your ballie."

Logendren Skywalkersamy: "She reckon you poked him with your gonie!"

Dark Veda: "Ekse I am your ballie"

Logendren Skywalkersamy: "Aiyooooo, say sathi-ma....can't be "

Dark Veda: "Search the records at Khans hospital....it's true"

Logendren Skywalkersamy: "Aiyooooooooo........"

Dark Veda: "Logendren, you can dallah the bengal tiger, the temple aunty has chooned me. But this is for your destiny according to the oroscopes in the post. Came way my lightie let's rule this unit like ballie and lightie....came way ekse"

Dear Pushpa

How U, never hear from you sooo long. I was keep on telling Kalay I wanna write you about this husban of mine giving me so much worries man,he donno he's getting old now, I heard he's flooking all the young young girls this side, hey I donno what he's dwing like this Pushpa,he's taking all my money and pushing in they mouth.

You no my sugar and pressure everything went way so high the other day I actually thought, thava this is the end for me.I kan take his nonsense.And as for Bobby you no that son of mine instead of gweing for the young girls he got one married thing from this side ayo Pushpa she look like she's his mother,and she wear short short mini skirt and stretch her legs and sit, I jus feel like tearing her thighs, so much stretch marks and all on her legs but she wanna act like one young girl. You no this father and son they just finish me and leave me. They rather put me in the homes I think I'll be better off.

Even Rani, I sent her to school and everything, gave so nice ejucation, ever since she moved to Joberg and started work she never give 1 cent for me ay, I suffered and gave birth to her,but all that they don't worry about, she even got one white man that's side ayo you mus hear how she twist her tongue and talk, kan even recornise my own blood children anymore.

So wen you coming home,you still so fat like that or you lost little bit weight. I saw this thing on TV for losing wait. I'll get the name and send you please call me, then you phone and I'll tell you, but if I give you 1 miss call U must no I never get it right.

Ok I'm gweing now I got the doll on the stove, oh I made dry fish chutney and meali rice the other day we all was talking about you, how we should eat together. Sooo nice ay.

Ok I'm gweing now I got the doll on the stove, oh I made dry fish chutney and meali rice the other day we all was talking about you, how we should eat together. Sooo nice ay.

Ok bye Pushpa,

Take care eh. And must tell me if Silverani gave you the ashes from the temple thatha

Bye now okay.

Jhilmeet

Stylin Cato

Hear this. A super black charou, a diamond black golf, super dark black tint and for finishing touches he wears a thick gold bracelet (good enough to tow horse and trailer), but here’s the thing I can’t say that this ou is from Phoenix, Chatsworth or even Lenz and all. They are bred all over. So now that I am in the clear and not picking on any area. Here’s the second part.

So this ou is cruising down the road, windows down, listening to Snoop remixed with Kishor Kumar, subwoofers banging and making the boot lid go Grrr Grrr, treble playing like the tyre is running flat, sssshhh sssshhh sssshhh. Hear it? The car looks good hey. One thing I must hand it out to the Charou ONCE AGAIN. We know how to style cars. Take anything and we turn it to style. I think SNS (Speed and Sound) should launch a Charou’s edition and watch how those pages will get filled. We put MO in Modified.

Any case coming back to my story. For name sake let’s for call this super dark ou ‘Cato’ (nick name) for now. Picture his seating position in the car? The driver’s seat is right back, so he’s basically looking out through the back window, and half his body is out of the car, otherwise nobody gonna see him and the stekkies might miss this andsome unk.

So Cato pulls in by the shop, Kishor Kumar and 50 cents still fighting it out in the remix. Cato double parks, gets out of the cab and boy this ou is nothing but bones, thin like a bamboo stick and as he walks he drags the left side of his body cos that gold bracelet is slowing him down and boy let’s not forget the Charou’s brand name jeans, t-shirt and shoes he’s wearing (Soviet) . Cato goes to the counter and choons the ballie behind the counter, ‘Nandha give one loose there and hum much this R1 stale moorkoo?’

So Cato flames the gwaai with his SA style zippo also known as Lion Matches and revs it from 0 to finish in under 5 seconds (Fast & Furious style). Now the bra is feeling lil bit lot dizzy, he gets into his cab changes his number to Akon remixed with Kuch Kuch Hota Hai (downloaded from Coolgoose) takes his cell phone out of his pocket and keeps it in between his legs, revs his car just so he can disturb the piece, because he can, pops the car 1st 2nd and 3rd gear and disappears.

When he goes home his Ma choones, Avishen aka ‘Cato’ you bought the bread and milk. No Ma I didn’t go to the shop as yet I’ll go now. And the whole thing starts again.
But my fellow Charous, who’s hot into sooping up cabs and all. Keep up the good work, cos you guys rock. And for those ou’s that wanna be seen driving the car, don’t lean half your body out of the car, make the car a convertible and style xks’e.

And if you got sum contacts for some lukker rims and tyres, choon my bra Wesley he need some for his wheelbarrow.

Until l8er…..Let the remixed tunes roll.

The Story...

One time, couple span jares ago, there was this one member rite. N E way, this oke was like one top o xse! This bra yer had one lukka vrou too rite. Was his ballies favourite lity too. But his ballie was an operator also rite, this ballie had 4 vrous xse! He had one lity from each vrou too. His one vrou chune the ballie he must send this bra away for 14 years other wise there will be speeches with him and her rite. She chuned him if you don’t send them, then there’s no more dis thing for you.

So da ballie chune o rite sharp. He chune this bra he mus vy way from the porsie. But his one lity bru chune, fock dat xse, he want to vy too. So this bra, his vrou and his lity bru chune kick it.

Now they were blying in a different section and this one porridge o gangster check this bra’s vrou. He chune she is lukka, looking gif and he wants her. You knor how these porridge ou’s get when they see bread stekkies.

This ganster o too had nor style so he tried to hash this bras vrou, man! This bra and his bru chune fock nor xse! You karn dalla a flop move like dat! You knor who we are xse? I’ll chop you one time!

They vied met up with one two other bras and vied to optel the porridge o's! They vied xse, Focked the porridge o's solid! Porridge o neva knew what hit them! These bru’s and their other braedo bra's hit these okes once, they fell twice xse!

N E way after the speeches this bra, his vrou and bru chune vy porsie! All the other bread ou’s were so happy that the porridge okes gort focked up, they chune they must have one jol!

Big jol they had xse, fireworks, burfee, chuna makaj the works xse!

After that every year the okes have the same jol.

They call it

DIWALI
xse!

You know you're a Charou when...

Author - Unknown

You say 'kasam' when someone doesn't immediately believe what you just said. Worked well at school and at family functions, but in our rainbow nation, you need to translate it for your gora or kariya boss

You believe someone only when they 'kasam'*(even if they cheating in thunee).

You believe the red string around your wrist will protect you even in a hurricane.

You're dead scared to drive your car without the religious license sticker or an idol of any 'Bhagwan'.

The first thing you do after buying a car is to go to the (pre-selected) temple for car prayers.

You're dead scared to drive your new car without having done the prayers first*forget the fact you don't have insurance. Pooja is powerful

You believe that the drive from the temple back home is the safest thing ...as you've just newly prayed. Again, forget the part about insurance. Chaar ous know it all.

You recite a million and one prayers in Sanskrit*without knowing what it actually means.

You believe that after any pooja, if you refuse any parsad offered to you, the respective deva/devi is gonna zap you with a lightning bolt for insulting them. You then take a very, very, very, very small piece (or a pinch of panjhari) saying you want everyone to have a piece, but in fact you don't want it.

Same goes for diabetics. Forget the fact that the jalebi is soaked in syrup. Its parsad J. Bhagwan will control your sugar automatically.

God help a black cat if it crosses your path when driving (hmm*what if you've just done car prayers? Does it vanquish the cat's powers??).

And never mind all Indians have black hair. (Is that why people dye it so much these days??)

You were told not to call small kids names like maddy, stupid, pagla, etc. because they'll really become that when they grow up. It's all about najar.

You believe using kajal can vanquish najar.

You believe if someone looks at your food while you eating, your stomach will pain after that.

You were told by your parents and relatives not to let babies look in the mirror because they'll get crooked teeth.

Eclipses are the Indian version of a close encounter with Armageddon.

You don't come out of the house or accept visitors during it. Worse still if you're pregnant, you're strictly forbidden from cutting anything as then your baby will be born with a cleft lip.

At midnight, every night, if you're awake (god forbid) you don't do anything because it's the most evil part of the night. You don't go anywhere, especially outside. You tie your hair up if its long, as the ghosts can't get into it then. Don't move, don't eat, don't drink*don't even breathe........

Only 2 words and last 3 coins

Two words, LETS GO, COME ON, WHAT TIME, WHICH ONE, NOT LAWT, ONLY R100. Mention the word Casino to some members in my family then sit back and listen as everybody gets involved in this discussion. Don’t worry I will not mention any names Mala. This is one of the best subjects you will ever discuss with us. Point blank, my members are hooked boy.

Recently we were sitting in my lounge and the conversation turned to casinos, my mother was asleep on the sofa and immediately got up, my father put his shoes on no questions asked, Nunu, Nerinee and my wife was grinning from ear to ear and Mala was ever ready. These guys started discussing their favourite machines and they even know exactly what the combination payouts are and to confirm the addiction, whilst they are in the casino conversation these members start humming the jackpot tunes. We then leave for the casino. Everybody is happy and in a hurry. Someone that’s very close to us always says, 'when we get there lets have coffee first and then walk around' Ja right, as soon as we hit the escalator everybody disappears for hours. Eventually after an hour or two you see a familiar face, note that this face is not as smiley as when we first got in. Then they ask you the question. Hit anything? or better still Blew your bobs?

Another grand scene is when somebody hits a bonus feature, and let them get anything in the lower values, my God, the language used then and there is shocking. If the Gora understood Hindi, well that’s another story. I also see some members playing not one BUT a whole line of machines one time like piano players. Then finally after arriving there at 8pm and now it’s 5am, it’s time to go home. Once you start to go around gathering all the players you notice the sad face, like they just got a call saying that their Naanie passed on. From the time we walk out of the casino to the time we reach home, there’s only two words mentioned. NO TUNES, CHUP CHARP, GHAAR BHUNDH, GHAR CHAL and my Fathers favourite KHOOB DHALAS and Nunu’s favourite NOT GOOD.

Activate your Bluetooth

When I claar my matric, I want to come to Jozzies and find a graaf. 99,9% of words uttered from a lietie in matric. My ma and ballie chooned I must vye stay with my auntie in Lenz and soek a graaf.

So the lieteie claars school and obtains an almost scraping pass in matric and moves up to Jozzies in search of a decent job. I have seen many of these in my past experiences. And thumbs up if he finds a cousins friend who is in recruitment. So can I send you my C.V.? You know those C.V’s with fancy graphics on the front cover and difficult to read fonts? Curriculum Vitae of Ronesh Sivasunker Mahabeer a.k.a Ron, and a one pager about Ron. No employment history, and if he has any employment history, it is from his uncles factory where he worked as a Factory Manager. Come on admit it! You have seen this right?

We have all come up the hard way in search of the light, ask Wesley, he is still looking for the light.These lieties nowadays have it on the plate. Look at my nephew, bloody fine example, father gave him nice car, mother gives him clothes and money auntie organised him the job. What else this fool needs? What is short for him and he writes off his father’s merc.

The problem with these fellas is that they were born with the silver spoon in their mouth. They have not experienced the difficulties in finding their feet here in JHB. I am sure if they had experienced what we have been through, then they would be back with mom and dad. These dudes need to learn about the responsibilities in life.

But no, they do not want to hear about that. Their responsibilities are buying PS2 games, fancy clothes and sooping up their rides, that’s what they call it these days ‘Rides’ you know ‘Pimp my ride’ Check I got a picture of it on my N73…i phone with a 2gig memory card, 2 megapixel camera, 500 contacts on MixIt, MP3 player, Ashwariya Rai background and you can put the phone on silent when your mother calls. Activate your Bluetooth I will send you the picture of my ride.

Fellas, all I say is, that you guys are blessed, blessed that somewhere down the family chain somebody made your life a whole lot easier here in JHB. So the next time you at a braai with some folk and here them talking about their lives when they first moved up to JHB, activate your Bluetooth and connect to think what it would have been like if you had no backbone here in JHB. Now go pour a shot for us.

Let’s pop the boot

No matter what anyone can choon, you got to love the charou. He has made his place in society.I mean we have become so popular even the wet ou’s try to talk like us. Why is that we are so lovable? It is a simple answer, we love to socialise with the bottle. Although you might not understand what we are saying under the affluence of incohol, still we love to choon.

When we vye to a wedding jol and you meet a couple of maams, at first these couzies are so quiet and reserved. We start chooning about our likes; the charous best like is fishing, fishing for shad. Because the interest is there the topic is then moved to the car boot and we pull out a bottle (no matter what dop it is) it is always referred to as a bottle. After the first sip we try and find out how we related. Soon we are on to the 2nd, 3rd shot and then we start hearing the chalisa’s, you would never say that this is the same maam you met 30 minutes ago.

The first story starts as how he over did it at the last function. And the usual complains will follow. How his vrou (dragon) reacted to the whole thing but he also concludes by saying that he does not drink as much as he used to. You know what I am talking about? Those days stories…

Anyways I think we charous take out the best in ourselves when we have one two shots, those shots that you pour half glass vodka a.k.a whites and you use water to tint it. When last have we experienced a lukker wedding jol (ou’s from Durbs excluded) including the dholl in the polystyrene cup and then later singing the traditional Indian song ‘Yeh Dhosthi?’

Do you remember, for those fortunate ones when your father used to stop over at a hotel for a shot? And your mother will be sitting in the front seat fuming, using all the words available in the charous dictionary (goolam chod, maadhar, dhogloo, bhosraa). After half an hour, your father will send 3 boiled eggs to the car with some salt. I always like to ask, did your mother eat the egg? You know nice to ask.

So for those that have moved up to Jo'burg and changed like you cross bred between Cape Coloured and a Vallie, Do not forget your roots. If you eating beans curry on a Tuesday and feasting with Gori & beans on a Saturday and buying your masala and brooms in Bangladesh market then I am sure you qualified to pop the boot.

Make it happen…….Pop the boot, I will fetch the polystyrene cups and dholl to line the stomach.

Which way?

Why is it that religion is still a major contributing factor when it comes down to mariage. I was recently in a conversation with some people and the point was that the parrents will not accept a Christian girl marrying a Tamil boy or a Hindu girl marryng a Tamil boy.

I fully understand the reason behind cross beliefs and the way forward, meaning which direction does the wind blow. Which upbringing will the kids follow? My answer to this is simply that we are Generation X. Race, colour, religion has been abolished in Gen X just like appartheid, this is a distant memory.

Somebody I know a white male married a ‘bread’ chick. I have seen these people at a family functions, and I must say that this dude was confused, lost, mesmerised by what was happening around him. Was he enjoying himself? Hell yes. Was he out of place? Hell no. Were the girl’s parrents feeling out of place? Hell yes. So I asked myself why. Why does the old folk always bring this up? Is the religion factor more important than the couples happiness and compatibility?I think that the problem is more about ‘What the family will say about this’. Will this become the latest gossip in the family? “You saw that girl how she was carring on with the white fella, no shame they got’ I wonder if those gossipers saw the couples happiness.

I guess that this will always be an oppened ended discussion. We will never have a solution to this problem.

Over the past few years our cultural differences have combined and our daily interaction with cross cultures has increased all over the world. It is almost impossible NOT to fall in love with somebody out of your cultural habitat.

My 2c worth is that religion is in your heart, it is part of your upbringing just like your parents they are part of your upbringing. You cannot remove this, but rather move forward with it. And for thos that are faced with this situation my advice will be to sit back and ask yourself, What do you want?Are you going to find that happiness, stability and most importantly Do you find a FRIEND in your partner? Now ask yourself, should I wear a mangalsutra or a thali?

Day out with my boat

I recently bought a semi rigid rubber duck and took my toy out to Harties over the weekend. At first I thought it was quite simple to fire this thing up and go BUT after launching I got into the boat with the helpful hands of Clinton. Soon we were in the middle of the dam, for some strange reason the boat refused to start and we drifted about 1km into the dam.

Thanks to a very helpful family, who assisted in towing us back to shore and helped us get the boat started. Thanks to the previous owner of the boat. The guy forgot to give me the fuel plug for the boat. Anyway within 30 minutes we were back in the water.

Man! this boat is a rocker. The power and ride is awesome. Soon I was the boat skipper taking my couzies on a ride.

Apparently, one of my soon to be brother inlaw, Wesley. He saw a shark in the water and got terified. Luckily Don....yes Don was there to comfort him.

Looking forward to the next trip. By the way Asina's akne and Wes's trotters and beans was lukker.